


Parody, A

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-01
Updated: 2003-02-01
Packaged: 2019-04-29 12:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14473002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: What the network executives were hoping for.





	Parody, A

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).

 

Parody, A

## Parody, A

### by skripka

This is nothing but a silly parody. I don't own these characters, or the show Friends. If I did, I wouldn't be working for a living. All glory to the great Mutant Enemy, and the all-puissant NBC. 

I've decided to treat this story as the response to the Television Without Pity strange Chinese phrase fic challenge. Mainly, because the one I was writing is somewhat mired, and this came bubbling to the surface one day. The phrase River babbles at the end translates (more or less) to "Have you been to Jiangyin? You must know my Aunt Meredith." This may or may not be finished, I'm not sure. Feedback encouraged, criticism welcomed with only a slight wince. 

Oh, and insert laugh track where you think necessary. 

* * *

Scene 1:   
(A lavishly large apartment, with girly things all around, including lights, red upholstery, and a god-awful frilly pink dress hanging against one door. There is a girl spinning in the middle of the room. This is RIVER. She is pretty happy right now, but just wait!) 

*INARA, elegantly dressed, enters from the outside door, pauses, and stares at RIVER.* 

INARA: River, what are you doing? Hey, Kaylee! Where are you? 

*KAYLEE emerges from underneath the sink, where she was fixing stuff. She has grease on her face. (Hey, I don't know how she got that dirty underneath the sink, I'm just guessing here, ok?)* 

KAYLEE: Hey, you! Don't mind her none, she's just dancing. 

INARA: (chuckles) Really? 

KAYLEE: (perkily)How was the sex? 

INARA: (sighs) Same old, same old. 

*The door opens, and three men walk in: MAL, JAYNE, and SIMON* 

MAL: That's 'cause you're a whore. 

INARA: Nice to see you, too, Mal. 

JAYNE: I bet you've got some funny whorin' stories. 

SIMON: (as he moves into the room, closer to the dancing) That's disgusting, Jayne. Inara's a companion. River, _mei-mei_ , what are you doing? 

*RIVER pauses in her spinning, and smiles at everyone. She then hugs her brother.* 

RIVER: Simon! You're back from the hospital! 

JAYNE: You was in the hospital? How come I ain't heard 'bout that? 

KAYLEE: Jayne, don't be such an _ben dan_. Simon's a doctor. 

*KAYLEE is wiping her hands dry on a towel, and sidling over to SIMON'S side during this little speech. She is obviously crushing on our handsome young doctor. SIMON, on the other hand, is oblivious. He is almost making moon-eyes at MAL.* 

INARA: What did I say about entering our apartment? 

MAL: That it was manly and impulsive? 

INARA: Precisely, only the exact phrase I used was "Don't." What did you want, anyway? 

MAL: Well, we was about to head down to this new place on the corner, and wanted to know if you ladies would care to join us. (He makes a little mocking, gallant bow) 

KAYLEE: Sounds shiny to me, cap'n! 

SIMON: Does the man-ape thing have to come, too? 

MAL: Jayne? Yeah, we'll bring him along 'case there's trouble. 

JAYNE: Huh? 

* * *

Scene 2:   
(A typical bar on whichever planet we want it to be. Dusty, dark, filled with nasty people in dusty clothes. A big holographic window, and holo-pool, and other stuff to remind you this is the _future,_ dammit. BOOK is here, reading a book. ZOE is sitting on WASH'S lap, and they are cuddling on an incongruous plushy, red couch. JAYNE is already playing pool with MAL, INARA and KAYLEE are sitting beside RIVER. SIMON is getting drinks at the bar.) 

KAYLEE: Isn't the doc so _shuai_? 

INARA: Oh, Kaylee, . . . 

KAYLEE: And don't the captain look good in tight pants? 

SIMON: (coming up behind the couch, mutters) Mm Hm . . . (louder) Here you go, ladies. (passes out drinks) 

RIVER: _Ni quiguo Jiangyin? Ni kending renshi wode yima Meredith._

_Everyone looks up at this._

WASH: I'd hoped for the soup thing. That's always a hoot. 

ZOE: I think there's a problem with her brain being missing. 

SIMON: Sorry, all the mathematics at school made her a bit crazy. I'm working on a cure. 

BOOK: You are a brave man. 

JAYNE: I knew math could kill. 

#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to skripka


End file.
